July 2010
93 posts
Creeping through wedding photos on FB
The entire time I’m thinking, how did this chick land a guy that attractive?
Then I keep flipping through the photos and I see she’s pregnant.
Mystery solved, nothing to see here.
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Someone just told me that i'm "exactly what is...
:)
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Typical day for Mike Tyson in Vegas
“I would go to a club, at say, 2 o’clock [a.m.]. Hang out there for what, two hours, and then I’d go to the after-hours [clubs], that start at 6 o’clock [a.m.]. So I’d stay there from 6 in the morning to 7:30 at night. I’d be sitting down and drinking and doing cocaine, talking to girls … doing anything. Everything. Then I make it home and...
Anonymous asked: Have you really had a hard on for the past 4 hours?
I've had an erection for the past 4 hours
I can’t remember what all those Viagra commercials say, what should I do?
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thelyingdays asked: woahh just assumed you looked kinda like gary coleman.
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Anonymous asked: Post a picture of the new hair?
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I was told earlier that I look emo with my new...
and I’m still fucking pissed about it. My hair is short now. Like really short. You can’t style it. It’s the exact opposite of emo. No hair in my eyes. No funny colors.
UGH Can’t stop looking in the mirror. Am I missing something?
Everyone does it right?
Intern Guy: It’s not even worth fighting with girls, you’ll never win. Me: I usually don’t care about the girl enough to fight with her Him: And when it’s their time of the month I usually don’t even open my mouth Girl Intern: Not EVERY girl gets PMS you know… Me: I usually just slip some Midol into their food when they aren’t looking. Avoid the drama at...
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My boss is doing an interview right now
So I wrote “Your mom is a whore and she has a wide vagina” on a piece of paper and folded it up, then went in there and told my boss that he had just recieved a call and that I took a message.
It’s fucking Friday afternoon, what else does he expect me to do.
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It took 6 finance/econ majors 20 minutes to divide...
Why do so many sushi places only accept 2 credit cards per party? Who carries cash on them anymore? How did I spent $35 there? How many saki bombs are too many?
reallykatie asked: gary coleman nudes
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Do we only have a deal with the pigeons?
OK, so I know we have a deal with the pigeons. They get out of the way of our cars, we look the other way on the statue defecation. What about other birds?
This morning I literally had to slow down and drive around a robin that was just standing the middle of the road with a worm in his mouth. As I drove away I stared in astonishment through my rearview mirror as I saw other cars do the same...
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I just wrote a really sarcastic internal mass memo...
I wrote it in Comic Sans.
I also used the line “I’m sure as many of you read this memo tears are running down your face and you are questioning the existence of God, I understand, it was tough for me also.”
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mykicks asked: gpoyw
sade asked: gpoyw
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The reason I fucking hate Santa Claus
When I was little kid growing up I LOVED my bottle, like it was my BFFE. I was getting dangerously close to that age where bottles are unacceptable. My parents thought I’d grow up to be one of those strange needy weird kids with attachment issues who got off on cumming in girl’s eyes. Or something like that.
So they told Santa Claus to take it. Can you believe that? Imagine me waking...
sammyowens asked: why don't you love me?
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Went to my work BBQ on Friday
We taught my boss how to play flippy cup, which he was HORRENDOUS at, but the real kicker of the night was when I saw him talk to some other interns and point at me a couple times. I asked one of the interns what he was saying and get this… he was telling people how “brilliant” I am and how I “take what others are saying and absorb all the information and expand on...
I'm drunk and reminiscing
I’ve never really had a legitimate pet other than fucking parakeets and when I was little I totally wanted a hamster (perfect blend of cuteness and little responsibility) So my parents said that if I wrote a report (LOL what kind of fucking 10 year old loser/nerd would ever do this) on why a hamster is a good choice for a pet and how I would take care of it then I would get a hamster.
I...
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It's tough being tumblr's sex symbol
but somebody has to do it.
sade asked: is ur dick huge
this is anonymous right
this is anonymous right
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thorninyourside asked: I have the same issue with that girl who commented previously. when I sporadically see your posts I think you're a fucking prick. But every few weeks I read your posts in bulk and fall in love with you again, and subsequently start following you. Its a vicious cycle.
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truetoken asked: I unfollowed you. I'm back. Can't fuckin quit you. Ugh..
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My browser just crashed
and it never crashes, so I took it as a sign from God that he wants me to go to sleep instead of looking up who would win in a fight between Wall-E and R2D2.
But I just reloaded the browser to make this post and to do more research.
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