January 2011
52 posts
The downsides of a blizzard
Every single fucking Facebook status about the snow
Walking through 2 feet of snow
In that order.
Death by Pepsi
Has anyone else ever poured coke in a glass and when you attempt to drink it all the carbonation rushes up your nose so you’re unable to drink and you just freeze up unable to breath and you hope to God you don’t die because that would the lamest way to die and your family would probably make up a story how you died after a 5 year battle with cancer just so people don’t laugh.
...
Things that I like more than sex
Getting a close parking spot at the mall on a Saturday during the winter
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“On the last episode, the family picked the ugliest house. It was totally your...”
– Watching House Hunters on a Friday night with the fam.
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Anonymous asked: do you ever yearn?
“Hey Kevin! Thanks for calling me I am doing much better now! Dad is cooking now...”
– My mom uses her exclamation points haphazardly
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Empty Gestures
Me: If you ever need any help with that class just let me know.
Friend: Great! Want to come over after you eat and help with Assignment #1?
Me: What? No.
Unpopular Opinion
I did not enjoy Blue Valentine
Every.Single.Time.
Heat up tea
Put tea on table and wait for it to cool
Browse tumblr while waiting
45 minutes later
Remember tea
Drink tea
Tea is cold
Rinse and repeat
So I was chatting it up with this kid in my...
and he offered me a piece of gum, which I accepted. The thing was… when he handed it to me it wasn’t in a wrapper or anything. Just his dirty hands holding a stick of bare gum.
I couldn’t just suddenly reject it without an explanation so I put it in my mouth. I felt like I was taking a lukewarm bath. Instead of getting a clean experience I ended up feeling like I was surrounded...
You know those... things
Friend opens apartment door: Where'd everyone go
Me: To buy books
Friend confused: What?
Me: Books
Friend: ...
Me: The things you open and read for class
Friend: Oh... why?
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Comparison between two of my classes
Econ 420
75% Grad Students
Midterm 45% of grade, Final 55%. Both essay format.
No Homework
Attendance not mandatory
Anthropology 109
75% Freshman
One midterm and one final. Both take home multiple choice.
Only 30% of homework needs to be completed for a grade.
10% of extra credit offered
Attendance mandatory
Submitted something that made the front page of... →
Got more accomplished today than I did all break.
Anonymous asked: would you mind sharing with us where you got your textbooks for free?
A series of fortunate events
Sister loses iPod
Sister buys new iPod
Sister finds lost iPod
Sister gives brother old iPod
Anonymous asked: Your posts have been less offensive as of late. Something you might want to address.
I'm not scared of going downstairs to see a crazy...
Going downstairs to see an old lady teetering back and forth just staring at me?
#1 Fear
Here I was thinking that my Taurus tattoo on my...
Now I look like an idiot.
I'm creeping on this girl's Facebook at 3AM
just going through her default. Just the usual stuff.
1st picture: With her dog 2nd picture: With her cat 3rd Picture: With a stuffed unicorn on her head
It’s like Inception. What level of pathetic can we sink to?!
We must go deeper!
Oh, it's on.
My sister put me on limited profile for Facebook so I can’t see her wall for some reason, I’m rarely on Facebook but OK.
I have set it so she can’t see my wall, pictures, or Like’s.
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I'm seriously doing an online interview to become...
This guy has been asking me questions for 45 minutes.
I’m THAT bored.
I was just thinking how funny if I changed my name...
Not legally. I would just make my friends call me that out of the blue.
No explanation given to them. Bernard.
Is there a worst feeling than walking into your...
exhausted as fuck, just wanting to pass out, and you see that your mom washed your sheets and left them on your bed for you to put on?
Too much effort. Sleeping on a bare mattress tonight.
Watching Toddlers & Tiaras for the first time
So far it’s been an uncomfortable comedic experience to say the least.
Feels like I’m watching Black Swan again.
Reformatting my computer has become ridiculously...
I’m swapping out my CD drive for another hard drive so I figure this would be a good time to start fresh. Instead of taking hours upon hours backing up my files onto flash drives and DVDs, I now just drag important files to my Dropbox. Anything internet related? Chrome auto syncs everything for me, from passwords to extensions. I’m also holding off on reinstalling Microsoft Office and...
WatchI’ve been playing with this for way too long.
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How to make a billion dollars
Make site that tells people who is viewing their FB Profile
Charge for site
Profit
This list can also apply to “How to piss off every stalker in the world.”
I remember playing Duck, Duck, Goose as a kid
and people would almost always choose the fat kids because they’re slow, or they would choose the person they had that childhood crush on because that’s cute I guess.
I was rarely the Goose.
