B: Who’s there? A: The police B: The police who? A: Ma’am, your son is dead. (via reddit’s anti-joke thread)
Just 3 guys have a "Guys Night"
Watching Toddlers and Tiaras.
Reality hits you hard, bro.
Chat History →
If anyone wants to feel sad and shit, here you go.
I always meet people who claim that we've met...
and I always ask them if I was drunk the first time. The answer is always yes.
Condiments & Rumple Minze Party
Just in case you guys were wondering if my friends are the fucking worst at picking theme parties, they still are. Related: What condiment should I go as?
Talking to my fat roommate
Him: You know my biggest issue with college?
Him: Going from building to building. When I get a job I'll go to my job and stay there all day, none of this going from place to place bullshit.
Me: So wait... your biggest gripe with college isn't the studying, or the getting bad grades, or anything that has to do with the actual classes... your main complaint is walking.
Him: Yea... pretty much.
My roommates and I tried seeing who can go the longest without masturbating, and it’s been a week. Let’s just say I’ve had better weeks. Tensions were high. Today we all agreed to stop the contest and take the money that was on the line and get drunk at happy hour instead. Now if you’ll excuse me…
The greatest pickup line ever.
So our basketball team traveled to Italy to do some exhibition games during the summer and we’re friends with one of the assistants so he told us about this conversation between one of the players and this girl over there. Him: So what’s your major? Her: Biology Him: Oh, I love looking at stars too! How genius is that? Regardless of major I’m going to start using that line...