I'm watching the National Spelling Bee and I'm...
Then I see them unsuccessfully trying to high five each other and how socially awkward they all are and I’m totally fine being my dumbass self.
I just heard a dog growling like a monster outside...
It ended up just being a kid going to town on a cupcake.
My sister is moving into a new place
Me: How is it?
Her: Oh, you would totally like it. It's definitely your style.
Me: What does that even mean?
Her: The people living around there wear skinny jeans and they listen to music no one likes.
Her: And the old tenants - the guy looks like a former Mexican soccer player, with long gross hair.
Me: Yup, my style alright.
I’d do a lottery because we don’t want any unlucky people in the...– “If you were put in charge of trimming Earth’s human population down to 3 billion or so, what would your criteria be for who stays and who goes?”