August 2012
8 posts
“The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an...”
– Alden Nowlan
July 2012
14 posts
I was just told that excessive masturbation causes...
but I find that hard to believe.
My mom on The Killing getting canceled
Her: Want to know why it was canceled? It's because from the first episode the main character was always wearing the same sweater.
Me: What?
Her: She always wore the same thing! Americans are obsessed with looking good, why do you think Kim Kardashian has so many followers?
Me: ...
My mom on alcohol
Her: I've never been much of a drinker. I don't get why I would drink whiskey when I can have a nice iced tea.
Me: That's such a mom thing to say
“Sometimes me think, ‘What is Friend?’ and then me say, ‘Friend...”
– Cookie Monster
New Favorite Activity
Read the Bible in a public place and every so often just say things like “I think some parts of this was stolen from 50 Shades of Grey”
There needs to be waterparks that are 18+
Reasons:
You won’t see hot girls and wonder if they’re over 18 (they never are)
Kids are the worst if they’re not mine
No pooping related incidents (we will also get rid of the 70+ age group to make sure this no pooping standard is met)
You won’t have to hear teens talk about how hard high school classes are
Starbucks Theory
The longer a guy’s hair is, the more complicated his drink will be.
